Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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