Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
