It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
