Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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