What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
