you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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