My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize