bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
