I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
