how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
