I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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