you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
