tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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