My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize