I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
