and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i think i just lost a toe
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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