Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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