I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
