woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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