I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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