As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
