Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
