I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
