she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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