So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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