when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
