I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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