So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
