The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
