I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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