are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
