she was so not down for the gang bang
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
