dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
