And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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