I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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