While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
