That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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