You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
