how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
