i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
