Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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