Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
