My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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