Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
