Kiss
Puke
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
