why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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