I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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