So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
