If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
