AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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