shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
