The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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