the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
