i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
