i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
