Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Two words: blizzard sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
