Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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