Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
