Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
