hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
