Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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