So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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